Joined in 2023 
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The reason why i gave 4 stars to this book is because it got me thinking about people pleasing, caring too much about what people think about me and not being able to say NO when i want to. It definitely helped me in that way and also to analyze myself. I am on my way to change it and become more authentic and bold. I have the right to share my perspective, even if someone might disagree or temporarily be uncomfortable. I have the right to say “no” to anything I don’t want to do, for any reason, without needing to justify it or give an excuse. again, it isn't a miracle, i'm not suddenly Better. but this changed so much for me and i really truly cannot be more grateful for this book. it feels like a real concrete step in my healing process. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” - Dita Von Teese
In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it. That’s how I feel about a lot of self-help and business books at this point – unless they are super niched and tactical, they are all too similar to keep my interest. What do I want? What don’t I want in this situation? What do I prefer? What sounds good to me? Asking these questions will help you become more aware and connected with yourself. This is essential because chronic indecisiveness is a result of being disconnected or alienated from your true self." I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence.Resourceful insight , Aziz offers many mind refraiming tools for the habitants living in the "Nice Valley" that want to "Christopfor Columbing" their way out of it. I have the right not to have to anticipate others’ needs and wishes. If they have them, they can express them.
I have the right to offer anything to anyone, any number of times (and they have the right to say no). I have the right to change my mind; I do not always need to be logical and consistent. I saw that clients who were trying the hardest to be nice people also felt the most anxious, guilty, and frustrated.” There’s a solid takeaway here for people who take on too much responsibility for the feelings of others, but I wonder if the advice within is really all that healthy. It’s based on (lengthy) personal experiences and anecdotes. You certainly might still get a lot from the book just by asking yourself questions as you listen, but I have a genuine question: Is there a book that provides the same self-reflection without the cringe? I’d be interested in that book. the concepts in this book were life changing for me. the writing was a bit cheesy and I was skeptical of some of the stuff he said about gender and psychosomatic illnesses, but I’ll let that be. you can tell he was trying at least. At first I was all up for it, going all in, but sorry to say, the feeling faded. I realized a thing or two about myself and others (credit to the book here), and in the end couldn't buy into to the concept. Don't get me wrong, the approach is good, just not enough. It's not that simple. I wish it was. (Reading Letters From A Stoic by Seneca, parallel to Not Nice, as I did, certainly didn't make things easier. Not at all! A great challenge though. I recommend it.)The core mindset of assertiveness is: My needs matter and so do yours. Let’s have a clear discussion about what we both want to see, what might work best for us both. Sometimes I will choose what serves me, even if it upsets you. And sometimes you will do something for yourself, even if I don’t like it. i didn't realize until getting about halfway through this book that so much of my internal rulebook is full of lies. lies told to me by myself, by society, by my parents. i've been suffocated by my past selves and my past hurts and realizing all of this felt like waking up from a long sleep. through the authors words i started to piece together things about my life that i never would have realized otherwise. i have spent a large portion of my life worrying that i'm too selfish, but after reading this book i am now more fully aware that i'm not selfish enough. i just kept having realization after realization and even though i'm still trying to process everything, i feel so incredibly inspired and invigorated. But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever. This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day. I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about. He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness. Honey, no. There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them. Instead, his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety. Context exists. You can choose to ignore it but that doesn’t make you bold and authentic; it makes you a bit of a jerk.
I'm at a point in my life where I'm doing a lot of inward reflection, and Not Nice was the ideal book for me right now. Not Nice is for people like myself who struggle to be assertive and direct and tend to take the more polite route, often at our own expense. All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants.
And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that. If you struggle with telling people no (I do sometimes), speaking your mind (I’ve never had this problem), or asking for things (this is a biggie for me), then you will like this book. All in all we are definitely being manipulated on daily basis under the magical spell of BE NICE and NOT NICE book is a legitimate way to break the spell while this book is instructional — it offers a lot of exercises and action-steps to help you stop people pleasing, to speak up, and to be more authentically you — i think the most helpful part of it for me was the way it forced me to challenge my view of myself, my life, and my relationships. i journaled more while reading this than i have in literally years because i wanted to really engage with the material and i found so much hidden under the surface that i didn't even realize i was dealing with. more than that, with all the examples from the author's life, i felt like i could really make a change because he did that change first. he gave so much encouragement, so many kind words that i didn't know i needed to hear, and the combination of all of these things gave me the courage to really start changing myself and my life. (this sounds like an infomercial but i'm 100% serious yall!) I eye-rolled at his stereotypical relationship advice about femininity and masculinity, where he advises the masculine partner to “take” and “own her.” His history in men’s groups really shines through and makes me cringe.
Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the boldest, expressive, authentic version of you. a therapist I had literally 2 years ago recommended this to me and it took me that long to finish cause this book is such a honker. I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol. I’m not for everybody. That simple insight lead to a profound sense of relief. I no longer needed to convince every person who came across me or my message that I was a good, worthy person. Some people would love what I was doing, and some would not. That’s OK; I’m not for everybody. Just thinking it or saying it out loud makes me smile. Try saying it out loud right now: “I’m not for everybody.” Isn’t it a relief?" I have the right to say yes to having sex, to enjoy sex, and to pause during sex to have a conversation.Hesitation: You often wait for the “right thing” to say (and thus speak way less than you normally do). this book is a toolbox. more than that, it is a door. it is the door in a wall you built up so high for years and decades and now the only way out is through.
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