Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All!

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We have girl/boy twins. Our son was an early talker and started calling me “ Mombo” completely on his own. We liked it, so we kept it! Bo” is my fiance, and that is the name they chose for her when they decided she needed a different name (the way I have a first name but they call me Mama). She was unsure about Bo at first, but has embraced it, and so have they. My daughter even calls her “Mama Bo” sometimes.

Choosing Sasa had to do with finding a nonbinary parent name that was simple and felt right. As Mama’s given name begins with M and mine begins with S, I explored Sasa as an option. Finding it to be a name in the same family as Sasha or Alexander, and carrying meanings such as “protector,” I felt it was a good fit.

It doesn’t mean I don’t want things for myself, because I do. It just means that sometimes, those things can wait. RUTH: My firm belief is that a child's well-being is down to the quality of parenting. Academic results are a little bit about a child's ability and 95% about support from parents to achieve. Lesbian couples have to work so hard to have their families – I suppose for that reason there's a possibility that you make more of an effort. What children need most is unconditional support and love. I don't think it has anything to do with having two mothers. DAKSHA: I always wanted a child. We asked friends to ask their friends if they'd be a donor, and when one said yes it turned out we knew him already. It was important to us that he was Asian, as we figured Lia would have enough to contend with without having to deal with issues about her nationality, too. We inseminated at home and it took us almost a year to get pregnant. It was difficult and stressful, but we got there in the end. We see Lia's biological father every couple of months. We are an indigenous family. My first language is Spanish, so I use Mami (it’s what I called my mom as a kid). My partner is Cree-Metis, and our children are Cree, so they call my partner Nimama, which means “my mother” in Cree/Michif. Nibi or tuiste (“I love you Nibi”, “You’re the best tuiste ever”). I came out as non-binary when my kids were hitting their tween years, so they asked to rename me. Seeing how they felt Nini and Bibi were gender neutral but babyish, they combined them as a play on non-binary. We chose the word “tuiste” instead of parent to help differentiate between their father and I; it is Gaelic for parent and since I can trace my lineage to Ireland/Scotland, I felt drawing from that culture would be a good way to not appropriate from other cultures.

Below is a selection of the many wonderful stories people have shared, loosely organized by some themes that emerged (my bold). I also encourage you to browse the full results spreadsheet here. If you haven’t yet submitted a response, I invite you to do so through the form below. Results are public, but are anonymous unless you choose to share your personal name(s). Things are a little mom-heavy right now, but I encourage parents (and grandparents) of all genders to participate!We didn’t like the gender roles associated with mom/mommy and the perceived absence of dad. We like to think we aren’t subject to those conventions and we are both the best of both so we made our own up with Zaza and Zeze– my name also starts with an A and hers with an e. Daksha, 39, and Seema, 45, have been together for 10 years. They had a traditional Indian civil wedding in 2006 and have a 15-month-old daughter, Lia. They live in east London

I am Jewish so we chose Ima (Hebrew for mother). There was a bit of time after my son started talking that he call me Ima and my wife Ima Mommy. We thought it was adorable. His big sister constantly corrected him though so now they use Ima and Mommy exclusively. My son is six years old. My family calls me “ bebita” which means baby in Spanish. When he started to mumble words, he started referring to me as “ Babe” and my wife, his biological mother, as Mommy. We’ll start by taking you through your options of becoming a lesbian mom and then talk through some ways to navigate being one. DAKSHA: Seema and I met through work and it was quite instant for me. I hadn't dated an Asian woman before, but it felt so right. My three kids all still call me Mommy (though the oldest refers to me as mom in public) :) they call my partner Mom C (short for Christa) or Momsy.Sanne is only three but she's already being asked where her daddy is and why she draws two mums": (from left) Natalie holding Quinten, Sanne and Laura. Photograph: Karen Robinson for the Observer My wife and I grew up together and were childhood sweethearts. My first marriage was heterosexual. After our divorce, I found my first love and we are married and raising the children from my first marriage. The kids don’t refer to her as a step-mom, but as their “ other mother“, & my ex-husband teasingly calls her his “ex-wife in law”. Our oldest daughter is married and has given us a grandson, we are Gee-moe and Grammy. Our four daughters say the only thing better than having a mom is having two moms. Our son is 4 months old and we plan on letting him decide what he’d like to call us. until then we refer to each other as mommy or mama, equally as often.